Of all the iconic moments inMetal Gear Solid, the battle against Psycho Mantis is tough to top. It’s both a cool boss fight and a mild deconstruction of your gaming habits!
For those who haven’t squared off against this gas-masked psychic, one of his powers was the ability to read your memory card and make note of what you’ve been playing. This largely hinged on how many Konami games you had saved, but it was still wild at the time. Look, it was 1998, so having a character call outCastlevania: Symphony of the Nightwas more than enough to blow your mind.
Psycho Mantis can name a small handful of games you’ve been playing. For those he doesn’t mention by title, he’ll say something generic like “You like action games!” Been jammingAzure DreamsorSuikoden? He’ll hit you with the “You enjoy role-playing games” shoutout. Is he wrong about me digging Konami games, folks? Considering it was the tail end of the ’90s, he was absolutely on point.
But what about the true PlayStation outliers? There were plenty of games you’d rather scrub from your memory card entirely, but Psycho Mantis sees all. Here are a few I wish he’d keep his prying mind away from.
The Crow: City of Angels
“You prefer the dark, blind to all but the most garish of lighting. Ah… yes, you enjoy beat ’em ups with tank controls!”
The Crowwas a cool movie, even enveloped in the dark shadow of Brandon Lee’s passing.The Crow: City of Angelswas not a particularly cool movie, and it made for an even worse video game. How could anyone blame me for trying out a game that promised “3-D fighting with a vengeance”? Unfortunately,City of Angelsended up turning into unintentional horror.Resident Evilstyle tank controls are woefully unsuited for what should be an exciting action game.
Toss in deadeye enemies who quickly overpower you with firearms you may’t hope to compete against and I’d much rather be stuck in a room with Psycho Mantis. Much has been said about how awful developer Gray Matter’s attempt atThe Crowis, but mere words will never suffice.
Razor Freestyle Scooter
“You shun Tony Hawk, don’t you? You prefer to live on therazor’s edge.”
I’ll totally own up to this: Not only did I rent and enjoy developer Shaba Games’sRazor Freestyle Scooterback in The Year 2000, I did everything I could possibly do in it. I don’t think I ever 100 percented any of theTony Hawk’s Pro Skatergames, despite playing them pretty much around the clock. I did, however, bask in a cool hundo withRazor, and I’ll shout that bold accomplishment from the mountaintops.
If Psycho Mantis is truly seeing my memory card in this scenario, he’s secretly impressed.
Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi
“Put your controller on the floor. Now, grab your copy ofStar Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsiand weep!”
Believe it or not, there was once a time whenStar Warsfans were hungry for new content. 1997 was a big year for the series asA New Hopecelebrated its 30th anniversary, launching the original trilogy back into theaters with questionable improvements. On the other end ofStar Wars: Special Edition‘s January opening was the November launch ofStar Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi. While the concept of a one-on-oneStar Warsfighting game isn’t bad on its own, the execution ofMasters of Teräs Käsiwas just as clumsy and forgettable as its title.
With games this rank in my personal collection, Psycho Mantis had no hope of wrangling the tattered remnants of my mind. The only way he could possibly have beaten me would involve actually challenging me to a round ofTeräs Käsi.
Mary-Kate and Ashley: Winners Circle
“My demonstration is not yet over… I see you enjoy the celebrity spotlight. But one star is not enough for your sky. Perhaps your skills are best served not with twin snakes, but with twinmistakes! Die in your winner’s circle!”
Psycho Mantis may fancy himself the foremost practitioner of the psychokinetic arts, but even he has his limits. Truthfully, I cannot explain why a sole save file forMary-Kate and Ashley: Winner’s Circlerests deep within the weary bones of my PS1 memory card. If taking what may very well be the least offensively dumb game starring the Olsen twins for a brief gallop over 20 years ago is a crime, well, Psycho Mantis might as well deal the death blow.
It’s all fun and games for a creepy video game character to spring to life in my mind and shout out all the cool stuff I’ve had the fortune of playing over the years. Calling out the duds is another thing entirely. As ashamed as I should probably be over my past choices for renting, borrowing, or (shudder)buying, I refuse to cower in discomfiture. I’ll continue to proudly bounce his hypothetical barbs off my chest, knowing I lived a life well wasted in the ’90s and early aughts.
Besides, he’s not ready for what I’m willing to play when the price isfree. May Psycho Mantis never gain the ability to read my Game Pass saves.
